Wow, it's been a long time. I don't even know if anyone still checks this things, since I didn't bother for a month. That's mostly because I spent as much of the summer offline as I could. But it's also because I've been on a very emotional and spiritual roller coaster these last few months(well actually years). I can't really express what I'm going thru in words, I don't know if it's because I haven't opened up about really anything in my life for years, or if it's just fear. For as long as I can remember, when ever people asked me how I'm doing, I say good, fine, not to bad, when inside I'm screaming HORRIBLE!!. I mean except for a couple of glimmers, I have felt spiritually dead all my life. I know that I don't have a personal relationship with Jesus. I just live off the crumbs of the people around me, and I can't take it anymore.

So this is me asking for help in the only way I can at the moment. For those of you who know me, prayer, email, coffee, this is as far as I feel I can take this on my own, but I'm not good at asking for help, so please, pray about this, and ask God what to do.
-Jason